I am an artist. I have been known to introduce myself as Svetlana, the Latvian spy. I am occasionally Esmeralda. Sometimes I like to hold fun-size apples & pretend I am a giant. Seven is not my lucky number. I don't pick favourites. My pet fish are paedophiles. The ability to spell the word "tongue" is essential in being my friend. I have nothing in common with Croc-wearers.